oohhh me oh my

cuz we wasted all our free time aloneee..

owl city has the cutest lyrics.

please sing me to sleeep

the weekend we were in love <3

AHH WAH GAH GAH DROOOL. tahoe ho ho on the 27th. itll be fun i hope 8)

i made peace with meself not reallly... are you thereee? are you theree. or are you just a decoy dream , in my head? OH owl city.... mang mang. needa get my mind off everything.

it

still hurts. its like a headache that comes up every once in a while

i cant imagine you with anybody else. is that how you feel when i talk about other people? does it hurt like this? or do you take it because you dont care?

headache, heartache its all the samee.

'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I Take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space in between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

And I Give you just a little time
I, Wonder if you realize
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes

breath-michelle branch

this is quite possibly exactly how i feel right now.

sountrack to my broken heart- mario

ahoooohoooo ahh hooo hooo. you wont even come to my rescue aahooo hooooo.

aww nigga. im done with this. aka everything aka everyone. damn it.

i got my revenge. MEEHEH. it wasnt even bad revenge but for me to do it sorta meant a lot to me. sorta like the last goodbye? MEEP ive never done that to no boohdy. shows how mad i am. or frustrated. im so lame ahhaa 8) done done dead and gone.

my house is cold! toes cold wahh lahhhhhh :|

i wants a change of sceneeee!

i think i am going crazy.

okkk well

long hair dont care.. ;)

i love winter breakkk. AHH

never settle for less.

i misss figure skating. blood sweat and tears. but that was the closest i have ever felt to PERFECTION. minus getting a 100 on my accounting final. dayuum it feels good to be me <3

you know

how some days you just feel pretty? today is like that. im barely wearing makeup and i do not feel the need to. i wish i could feel like this everyday. went to the gym today. it was good. moms yelled at me and i yelled back. i hope she knows that i try very hard and that i dont like it when she says i dont do anything to help out. i should just kept my mouth shut.

we havnet yelled at each other in a while. its werid. ok well im going out now.

hair cut tmro..

maybe i will watch princess and the frog before the end of this week..i really want to go to the snow i wish i could do everything i want to do. there needs to be more time and i need to be a more efficient person. <3

ohhh fall quarter

whyy do you always screw me over. sigh oh well retail therapy has done its job for sure. i got this super cute dress today which im hopefully going to wear to new years. and wait for it...... chinese laundry heels for $15 hoolllllaa i have too many shoess but i HAD to get it. niggaz i need a job to fund the lifestyle i want to live. for reals. oh wellls. im super sleepy and break is pretty good. i want to watch the princess and the frog. oh bloggg, you are my new boyfriend whom i tell things to! you always listen which is nice :) pwahaha. ok im turning into a loser good bye 8)

i

fucking

hate

UGHHHH

got an F in public finance. WHAT THE GAY I WANT TO UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH

UGH UGH UHG WTFFFFFf. i am so fucking pisssed. this is bulll shit.

if i have to take that class im getinggg an A+ that is the stupidest class int he efffing world....

UGH PISSSSED OFFFFff

ANGRYYY

whew its ok

omg so gayyyyyyyy bye

dear self,

so what if it hurts me, so what if break down.

i need to keep my head up. i thought i was ready, but now i dont think so anymore. i need more time for myself. i need a break. ME TIME. everything happens so fast that i feel like i need to sit down and re evaluate. i was at a good stable place before but now im starting to feel like everything is crumbling down into the dirt. like how im putting so much into things and letting them effect how i feel about myself. i dont like this feeling. no one is going to bring me down.

i know that it sucks to feel lonely, but i need to stick out this feeling. i need to in some kind of sense re-discover myself before i can let anyone else in. this is so hard for me to describe. but i have been hurt before, kicked around, taken for granted and if anything i want to learn from that and not let the same thing happen. i understand that it was certain circumstances but, in the end it is up to me. its hard to walk away but sometimes it is the right thing to do. slowly, step by step. i need to overall be more independent. focus on other things and dont make other people my priorities.

ALSO on a side note, no more retail therapy..... unless uhoh... i find a nice dress or something, maybe some tights, and HM i wanted one more thing... a long cradigan/jacket thing. alsoooo.... shiettt no more shoes. and i want to get my nails done haha

byebye more later i think ima sleep semi early tonight..... baby sister is comming home. i cant waiiiiiiiit :D

welllll...

two can play at this game ;)

trust. looks can be deceiving.

rah rah rahhhhh bad romancee. roh roh rohhhh schoeeeppy

mhore later

nao.

just so you know, at this game. i always win, alllwayyys meheheh.

cant get youuu

...?

outtta my head?

i like you. is that bad? i dont want to get hurt. should i run away now? should i put my wall back up? sigh i cant stop thinking about it...... this is gay. maybe imy? maybe i like you?

but maybe not....aghalsdfkjasldkfjslakfjsf fml you say youll do things but you dont. but you make it up. i want more than just this.

soooo...

here i am, in my t-shirt. writing on my blog. its cold in my house but i feel like i can really feel the cold-ness in my skin. i like this feeling. ive been craving something thats really. maybe something that really hurts or effects me? something that lets me know that i am still here alive. i tried going to the gym, being sore but that just doesnt cut it.

so here i am sitting in the cold of my house. soaking up the freezing cold uncomfortable feeling for no reason at all. i dont understand myself at times. i wonder what is going on. what do i really want. why am different from other girls. some would die for a boy to say i love you, be in a relationship with me. some would kill for a boy to be clingy and tell them they cant sleep at night because they are not there. instead i push these people away. for no apparent reason. i think i am scared.. but scared of what? what is there to be scared of. i have never been super hurt in my life. no one has betrayed me, cheated on me. so then why is it so hard to trust. why is it so hard to let people into my life. i have plenty friends. why is it so hard to let others in. i know because in the end i feel like i will always end up hurt. is this why i feel the need to "play around" is that why i say i dont want a relationship

is that why i call it boring? or have i only met the wrong people that they do not interest me anymore. why is this happening to me. i miss those highschool years when i had a crush on someone and it'd just be a mere crush. i can just day dream away and it doesnt even matter.

btw this is a buzzed blog. we played beer pong at cal's hosue and i insisted on being home at around 12 since i was so tired.

i just cant figure out what i am feeling. i know i dont need HIM the rebound one. am i really his rebound? do i like him at all? why do i feel like i need him on the SIDE why am i not willing to trust. what is going to happen tmro i dont want to over analyze but im really excited. is it because i had you before. is it because you were the first one. i wish i could just figure out how i really feel. i just can let it out. not to my best friends and not even my own blog. sometimes i just feel so lonely and others i jdont really. as i type tears are falling down my face and i dont even know whyy..... see this is what i am talking about. after the tears fall i say...... why am i crying.. what is the point WHAT am i really crying over. i dont feel lonely i just blame myself for acting the way i do. what should i say to him tmro. i dont want to make a mistake and act foolish in both ways. as in if i do something i will look like a fool. if i dont do anything i will also look like a fool..

SO the k guy is he using me or am i using him. do i even care or do i really like the attention and then looks? what the effff is wrongwith me....

i am really trouble complicated with a bunch of baggage. will anyone be able to get to know me enough to actually know how i am, how i act and love me for it? i feel like people judge and dont know how it goes since i push everyone away.

secrets-one republic.

i like being alone. but i like having someone there. when willll i find something that compliments me. sigh

i dont like feeling like this

i know that other guy. he doesnt really care and to take it slow. why if u are not over ur ex why should i not be over my ex. two can play at this game but really....... i should stop playing games. ughhhhhh my life...

mental crisis. i dont need no one. sigggggh luv you no more emo. im out peaceee!

do you remember?

mmm rewind.

ive been thinking. haha i get this feeling in the pit of my stomach sometime. i dont like it being there and not being able to explain what it is (aka, its not that i am bloated, i need to poop or hunger) this is a completely different feeling. it feels like being alone. completely alone. i dont know why i feel like this at times and am completely fine if not happy being all alone. i feel jumpy all the time. whenever i get an im text or call im like, oh is that you calling me. but its never you any more. i dont know if i only want you or not but everytime i think about it, it makes me sad. i cant figure out if i get sad because im lonely or because i realize that i actually really liked you and sometimes i wish that you were still here. but other times im glad to beable to do my own thang. no baby sittting.

ok i feel better now already or maybe the sleepyness is really getting to me. this other boy. i dont really like him that much of do i just have my defenses up? i dont know. im effffing sleeepy. been up since like 8am maybe ill call it a night right now. hahaha woow.

okk much love i need to go to the gym and shiettttttttt.

halloweeen was much fun. taco bell never forget!!

WHOOOAA

soo i gottaa rebound from the rebound.

note to self.... dont rebound with someone that is better than your ex... because that will never end up wellllll....... FML ahhahaha ugh

awww sheit

why cant i stop thinking about it........... WHY?!

ugh. i gotsss a litto babby crush on jooo.

forever young

aye, may the best of your todays,
be the worst of your tomorrows
but we aint even thinking that far
nah mean?

..

show me something thats real :)

always & foreverr

marques houston; this song has slowwwly reached my itunes top 25 played. it is currently at number 18.. its quite the relaxing. i was reading my old blogs from 2008 and i realize that maybe i should take a bit of my own advice. ive been walking (even running) around in a circle. wasting my time on things that i already know, learned and experienced.

take it slow, take it eaasy. like sunday morning.

im really quite happy with myself right now. im excited to go back to school and get good grades, go to the gym and make new friends. as well as hangout with my bestiesss at school duh.



coco chanel. my role model, independent woman who has her own mind. she knows what she wants and doesnt rely on other people to get shiet done. she does not take the easy way out, her life was filled with dissappointments and heart break but she kept moving forward. she knew what was right even if her heart wanted to go the other way. i like that about her, she is so strong.

the little engine that could. toot tooot! chugga chugga choo chooo. keep moving forward -->
yezziirrr.

happpyness comes from within, you cannot rely on other people to make you happy. self-happyness is what i call it. mind over matter.

no one can make you feel stupid (or angry, sad, dissapointed, frustrated for that matter) unless YOU let them.



teeheee. fake a smile and get on with it. show no mercy, no weakness

man. i gotta think about what i want before i say it. i need to mean what i say. and back back back it up. the thing abt coco chanel i love is she always KNOWs what she wants.

oh how this makes me feel better, along with my new shoes, good friends and being at home lazzyyy. no need to go out, i think i was too busy to really think and reflect on my life. this is good.

i went to the doctor yesterday and got two shots. they were scary but the people were really nice. i always tend to give people the benefit of the doubt everyone on the world is nice which is COMPLETELY not true. there are people out there that want you to do bad. but i guess i havent met anyone like that. or im good at blocking peoples bad qualities out. positiveee.

eyes on the prize, cmon baby work it for me. nah nah nah mean diga mah jigg?

nooowz im bored. <3 later
-me

up up & awayyy

i miss ice skating. the only thing that i could really trust. im thinking about it now and i feel like crying. we went skating in singapore and my dad said that he loves seeing me skate. even with rentals on just skating, he says that its looks so natural when im on the ice. sometimes i wonder maybe its where i belong, and i wonder why i quit. was it really because of the SATS and grades? why did i give up something i loved so much so easily. i think the real reason i quit was because i didnt feel like i was progressing. after advancing so much in so little time i expected everything to come easily. ive learned that nothing in life comes easy, you gotta work for what you believe in. sometimes i think the only thing that ive ever truely loved is figure skating. im going to go sometime soon.

so theres this boy i dont know what to do about him. he makes me complicated. and i dont know if it is really worth it. why is it so hard for me to explain my feelings?

break up to make up

once you care about someone you cant really stop caring about them. you just sort of just need to channel you energy into something else. something i'd like to call friendship. we'll see how this channeling of different energy will go. i have a feeling i am falling into the same trap with my eyes wide open. things never change, but there is always an optimist inside of me that refuses to be ignored.

why am i such a complicated person?
maybe i am just constantly over analyzing everything. but i really feel like i only want him, i cant imagine holding hand with anyone else for example. idk mang this is all bad :(

kk laterrss
zzamyyyszz

summer goals

-make hella bank
- meet new people. get over it
- work out get fit ( gym every other day at least)
- tan
- car
- get a better curfew.
- be organized
- get an A in deanza class.

KTHANKS BYE
i got a all B's this quarter idk if tahts good or not...

GOALS

Accounting 110
-Finish Chapter 14 & 19 by friday (all homework done)
-Review old midterms by Saturday afternoon
-Goal= 23/25 on the final
-Final Tuesday 8am

Econ 100b
-Finish homework by friday
-Review old midterms by saturday night
-Goal= Good Understanding of material
-Final 11am Wednesday

Marketing
-Finish ch 4-8 by saturday
-Finish the rest by monday
-Learn everything i missed.
-Final Thursday 8am

YES-LMFAO

im walking away and not looking back.

better today...

You are always alert and keenly observant. You are not truly satisfied with your everyday status and you are seeking fresh avenues which can give you the opportunity to prove your worth. You feel that there are still many barriers that stand between you and recognition - but one by one you will overcome them. Your tenacity is your one good point - like an English Bulldog, once you take the bite, you will seldom let go.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

so what are we going to have

desert or disaster

*_*

it hurts to want something and nothing at the same time

inside out

yellow card.
pretty much the song of my life.


i can't help it seriously. i'm not that strong as i hoped to be.
walk awaaaay.

everytime i get myself into something i just always end up feeling stupid. investing too much. i should just not expect anything out of anyone but myself. in the end, who do you really have? pretty much just yourself so as long as you don't let yourself down then you should be fine.

i can do better. i can handle this. one step at a time.
laterrrrrrzz. cant wait til this weekend and for the warm sun to shine over my pale unhealthy body. HAHA back to the studyingggg. =)

breathe

i like him, but i love me more.

can you help me unravel my latest mistake
i don't love him
winter just wasn't my season.
-----------------------------------------------
but my god its so beautiful when the boy smiles
want to hold him
maybe ill just sing about it.

one step at at time.

mind over matter..i will resist temptation.

my life is seriously just like the hills. ugggh.
i gottta focus on me. study/gym dailyy.

ever time this year.

i hate this time of the year. bad things happen. but they happen for the best i guess. i cannot keep living like this. i need to focus on school and distractions are for sure not welcome.

done deal?

i am officiallly torn. theres gottta be more to life then every single temporary high.
im done with drama and shit. get get get get get over it.
k gottta study!
tooodless wish me luck in life AND my midterm tmroo
4/20 ^___^