do you remember?

mmm rewind.

ive been thinking. haha i get this feeling in the pit of my stomach sometime. i dont like it being there and not being able to explain what it is (aka, its not that i am bloated, i need to poop or hunger) this is a completely different feeling. it feels like being alone. completely alone. i dont know why i feel like this at times and am completely fine if not happy being all alone. i feel jumpy all the time. whenever i get an im text or call im like, oh is that you calling me. but its never you any more. i dont know if i only want you or not but everytime i think about it, it makes me sad. i cant figure out if i get sad because im lonely or because i realize that i actually really liked you and sometimes i wish that you were still here. but other times im glad to beable to do my own thang. no baby sittting.

ok i feel better now already or maybe the sleepyness is really getting to me. this other boy. i dont really like him that much of do i just have my defenses up? i dont know. im effffing sleeepy. been up since like 8am maybe ill call it a night right now. hahaha woow.

okk much love i need to go to the gym and shiettttttttt.

halloweeen was much fun. taco bell never forget!!

WHOOOAA

soo i gottaa rebound from the rebound.

note to self.... dont rebound with someone that is better than your ex... because that will never end up wellllll....... FML ahhahaha ugh

awww sheit

why cant i stop thinking about it........... WHY?!

ugh. i gotsss a litto babby crush on jooo.

forever young

aye, may the best of your todays,
be the worst of your tomorrows
but we aint even thinking that far
nah mean?

..

show me something thats real :)

always & foreverr

marques houston; this song has slowwwly reached my itunes top 25 played. it is currently at number 18.. its quite the relaxing. i was reading my old blogs from 2008 and i realize that maybe i should take a bit of my own advice. ive been walking (even running) around in a circle. wasting my time on things that i already know, learned and experienced.

take it slow, take it eaasy. like sunday morning.

im really quite happy with myself right now. im excited to go back to school and get good grades, go to the gym and make new friends. as well as hangout with my bestiesss at school duh.



coco chanel. my role model, independent woman who has her own mind. she knows what she wants and doesnt rely on other people to get shiet done. she does not take the easy way out, her life was filled with dissappointments and heart break but she kept moving forward. she knew what was right even if her heart wanted to go the other way. i like that about her, she is so strong.

the little engine that could. toot tooot! chugga chugga choo chooo. keep moving forward -->
yezziirrr.

happpyness comes from within, you cannot rely on other people to make you happy. self-happyness is what i call it. mind over matter.

no one can make you feel stupid (or angry, sad, dissapointed, frustrated for that matter) unless YOU let them.



teeheee. fake a smile and get on with it. show no mercy, no weakness

man. i gotta think about what i want before i say it. i need to mean what i say. and back back back it up. the thing abt coco chanel i love is she always KNOWs what she wants.

oh how this makes me feel better, along with my new shoes, good friends and being at home lazzyyy. no need to go out, i think i was too busy to really think and reflect on my life. this is good.

i went to the doctor yesterday and got two shots. they were scary but the people were really nice. i always tend to give people the benefit of the doubt everyone on the world is nice which is COMPLETELY not true. there are people out there that want you to do bad. but i guess i havent met anyone like that. or im good at blocking peoples bad qualities out. positiveee.

eyes on the prize, cmon baby work it for me. nah nah nah mean diga mah jigg?

nooowz im bored. <3 later
-me

up up & awayyy

i miss ice skating. the only thing that i could really trust. im thinking about it now and i feel like crying. we went skating in singapore and my dad said that he loves seeing me skate. even with rentals on just skating, he says that its looks so natural when im on the ice. sometimes i wonder maybe its where i belong, and i wonder why i quit. was it really because of the SATS and grades? why did i give up something i loved so much so easily. i think the real reason i quit was because i didnt feel like i was progressing. after advancing so much in so little time i expected everything to come easily. ive learned that nothing in life comes easy, you gotta work for what you believe in. sometimes i think the only thing that ive ever truely loved is figure skating. im going to go sometime soon.

so theres this boy i dont know what to do about him. he makes me complicated. and i dont know if it is really worth it. why is it so hard for me to explain my feelings?